Al Gore pic courtesy Alex De Carvalho

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In the last post we discussed the importance of presentation openings.

We’re always amazed at the eternal popularity of the worst speech opening technique ever. It’s a method that torpedoes your speech before it’s even left the dock.

It’s the Apologetic Opener.

It goes something like this.

• “Sorry, I’m not used to public speaking…”
• “Sorry I’m a bit flustered, the traffic was terrible on the way here…”
• “Sorry, I’m a bit hung over, hit it pretty hard last night if you know what I mean…”
• “Sorry, I’m really tired, was up most of last night working on deadlines, no rest for the wicked…”
• “Sorry, I’ll try not to bore you TOO much…”
• “I won’t waste too much of your time…”

The logic behind it is that many people believe they’re a poor speaker. So they figure if they present an apology in advance, preferably for some factor beyond their control, then the audience will cut them some slack.

Regrettably, audience don’t care about your problems. Just over a nasty cold? Been up all night with a crying baby? Forget about it and focus on your speech, because you’re absolutely wasting your breath trying to whip up some sympathy.

Imagine you were in a restaurant and the waiter is doing a terrible job. You ask why he brought the wrong main course, half an hour late. He tells you that he’s had a really tough time lately, just broke up with his girlfriend and he dropped hot platters on on his foot earlier and has a nasty bruise.

Do you care? Do you want to hear about his troubles? Didn’t think so. And neither do audiences.

When you open with an apology, all the audience hears is: “Bad presentation coming up. Stop listening now.”

The Apologetic Opener has a distant cousin, the Self-Deprecating Opener.

This is a much better way to start, because it shows that you’re a normal human and don’t have an over-inflated view of yourself. And that you’re confident enough to risk looking silly.

So, say you’re an international diplomat, presenting on how you once brokered a peace deal between warring nation-states in Eastern Europe. Open by telling them you’re now into the third round of negotiations of the Download Bandwidth Limit Treaty with your teenage children, and have been unable to extract any meaningful concessions so far.

Look at Al Gore’s opening in his Inconvenient Truth speech, where he introduces himself as “I’m Al Gore. I used to be the next President of the United States“.

It got the audience on side from the start, and helped transform the image of a guy who had been renowned for robotic humorlessness.

Self-deprecation can be a fine line to tread. In the wrong hands, it can be fairly nauseating - like almost every Hugh Grant movie you can think of. Test it on some friends for some honest feedback before you take it on the road.

“And cue the Barry White CD…”

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Really great presenters understand the power of imagery, using words to conjure up vivid pictures in the audience’s mind.

Like Barack Obama’s recent:

“To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”

That final line leaves a very clear image that will remain with the listener a long time.

Other images make you feel a bit, well, uncomfortable.

Regardless of how you feel about Kevin Rudd, nobody could accuse him of being a sexy man. Calm, methodical, in control, that’s what we expect from Kevin Rudd.

Over the car radio this morning came this news item:

“Kevin Rudd is set to unveil his stimulus package in Parliament today.”

Unveil? Stimulus? Package?

Please, think of the children. As we head further into difficult times, we must find different words for this sort of announcement.

Technical crews like it when they get thanked. And the great presenters really do it well.

Most TV networks showed a heavily edited version of President-Elect Obama’s acceptance speech in Chicago. The Scene Change cameras were there to capture the full story.

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What a week for those of us who enjoy a great speech. A characteristically fine acceptance speech from the current world champion of inspirational rhetoric in Chicago. And a humble and touching concession speech from John McCain in Phoenix.

Here’s a quick analysis of what makes Obama’s speeches great.

Obama Speaks In Images

“When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land…”. The working men and women digging into what little savings they had to donate $5. The calloused hands remaking America. You can picture it all, and it makes the message so much more vivid.

The Words Count

Today there’s such a strong focus on image and non-verbal communication. But for the big occasion,you also need beautifully crafted words to deliver the goods. They flow, they have the rhythm that drives the speech, they create light and shade.

Apparently Obama takes a far greater role in speechwriting than the average politician. There’s a complete lack of the corporate buzzwords that make some leaders so irritating to hear. Notice how it’s all built from simple words:

“It’s the answer that led those… to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.”

It’s Not About Him

The man now has a great deal to be boastful about, but he kept the focus relentlessly on the audience, not himself (ditto McCain). It’s a lesson a lot of corporate leaders should take note of.

“I was never the likeliest candidate for this office… this is your victory.”

Stories Work

The story of 106 year old Ann Nixon Cooper gave a perfect summary of a century of social change, without making it seem like a history lesson. When you’re talking to any group, from 10 to 100,000, it’s a mistake to talk to them as a mass of people. Each is an individual, and telling the story through the eyes of another individual makes it resonate.

And then some less relevant thoughts:

Bullet Proof Glass Is Pretty Unobtrusive These Days

You hardly knew it was there, at least on TV. I’m seeing uses for those screens at certain corporate meetings as people start asking the hard questions about executive bonuses. Sure, bullets aren’t usually a problem, but those things look like they’d stop a hail of pastries from an angry crowd of shareholders.

He Put A Puppy In The Speech

He’s got adorable kids, and now they’re getting a puppy. Obama hit the audience with both barrels of the cute artillery. We’ve discussed this tactic before, here and here. No matter how flinty-hearted the audience, nobody can resist puppies.

Enough About Speeches, Let’s talk About Dogs

That’s one tough gig for a dog – the most famous puppy in the world. You get the feeling they can’t just pop down to the nearest mall in DC and grab the cutest puppy in the window. There are high expectations.

This is a dog that will live its life under a blitzkrieg of TV lights and flashbulbs. It can’t be a nippy, aggressive Jack Russell-type breed, or it’ll be shot the first time it tries to take a chunk out of Vladimir Putin on the White House lawn. Ideally, it should be smart enough for some serious training. Imagine a dog that could ‘shake hands’ in photo opportunities with dog-friendly heads of state. That alone would rebuild America’s international public image.

And it has to have a good All-American dog name, one that will sound good in the ‘feel-good’ animal segments they run at the end of the news, after the weather. It has to measure up to the standards of Clinton’s Buddy, Reagan’s Lucky or Nixon’s Checkers. Meetings will be held over the name of that dog, maybe even focus groups.

This dog will never know the simple pleasures of wandering through the neighborhood, digging holes in the neighbor’s lawn and nosing through trash bins. It will grow up thinking that spotlights, limos and butlers are normal, bringing the risk that it might become a sort of canine Macaulay Culkin.

That’s a lot of pressure on any dog. Could I suggest a national, televised contest to find a presidential-grade puppy with all the right skills? You could call it – horrible pun alert – American Fido-l.